Reports conf.calls leading to WMtE4

Women Moving the Edge 4
Judy and Ria
November 4, 2008

Silence

Check-in:
Judy: holding so much right now... just coming back from the family and the funeral. It was a healing really. Sharing the love amongst each other, although to be so different! Came to peace with my background, there is a common bond. The death of my father kind of released me, to stand fully in my place.
The other thing I am holding - and I don't like to hold it - some resentment about E-M and W; not in a disrespectful way; but I feel that the date was kind of late... W's friend cancelled because she is not coming.

Ria: Was 5 days away from home: Euro Spiral Dynamics gathering and then 2 days of constellation here in Belgium. A lot. Important things out of that - I really understood in SDi gathering that I am supposed to understand the Turquoise. CHE in Holland is doing marvelous things and it is not my thing to do. My thing is: to find the Turquoise practices and to see what is different from Green and Yellow.
I don't have resentment. I see that the field is clearing itself out for something to happen. These are 3 ladies who are really into action and still get the whole SDi and whatever we are doing. The field might be algining itself just to do that.

Really great to see A-M in Holland, to see what she is doing and naming WMtE. Big coordintion meshwork around Millenium Development Goal 5: for women, pregnancy, and child birth. She took a little statue of a pregnant woman to the Dutch minister - placed it in the middle of the table “because this is what we are talking about”.
 
Canadian woman talked about reading the blogs and wondered. She wants to come to next one in Belgium.

Judy: C. C. wants to come to Belgium too. Right now the schedule doesn't fit.
You might be right about the field aligning. My dilemma is now very practical, paying money back to the cancelling. Maybe give her back half of the money.
For Angel's Rest - was sad, but she is supportive.
B. P. is really very into action; she is so ready! She might be able to ground it over here. Has done AoH trainings...
 
Fascinated about developing the Turq. practices. Don Beck says that they are evolving together, because of this dance of individual and collective. The individual has to move into the Turq. because of the collective aspect. Somebody needs to be - has the capability to go into Yellow - to go to Turq. The Green is gaining ground over here. Then to be able to distinguish between the Yellow and Turquoise is needed.

Ria: We need to send a letter that the field is aligning and letting go of two apprentices and others canceling - a very small group, but maybe good because of the inquiry we have stated as intention - how to stay in collective consciousness as we go into action - see that they are all very much into that. So it might be a small group really dedicated to the intention.
It seems that the field is 'selecting' the people that need to be there. On the surface it looks like many 'reasons' come up, but maybe it is just the field.

Because we said we want to include these developmental models, I have a sense we will fine tune that in the gathering. M. and L. know the difference between real and almost real alignment, they know SDi. We have a high concentration of insights and capacity to sense deep what is emerging.

Ria: In Greece I offered a session on SDi. M. came and added things very much from her perspective, and could give very good examples - blue, orange, yellow, etc. She seems to be a natural teacher. She was asked to become a trainer in the coaching school. They didn't know where to look for 'emergent leaders' and at Pioneers of Change, she said: You are here! She left the school just before coming to Pioneers and was re-orienting herself. What am I to do now?

Judy: L. had a whole transformation during the last year. Had a lot of silent retreat time...has a natural healing capacity, that is probably growing.

Practicalities

* a nice cloth for in the center - Ria will bring some.
* Ask Samantha if she knows Spiral Dynamics. Send her articles if needed.
* Next WMtE5; we have to set the date with Helen. Ria needs to check with her schedule. Might be end of January. From there people maybe want to go to Edge of Collective Sourcing (March, Greece).

Women Moving the Edge
October 19, 2008
Judy, Eve-Marie, Wendy, Ria
 
Silence

Check-in:
Judy: I got very energised by working on the welcome letter; and the recent conversations with Maria and Sarah. Some incredible things are happening here: Powell came from a very present place. He named Obama a transformational leader. Also really respectful about Eve-Marie, and her position here.
 
Eve-Marie: I too feel very excited about the movement happening here in the US. People are coming together around this; a new hope  and excitement. At the same time I feel a shift inside of me - peeling onion layers away - a shift to what moves me, what doesn't... around WMtE I am not feeling the movement to go there; as much as I look forward to these conversations. Not sure what to make out of it... agreeing what is coming up for me...

Wendy: Sitting on the deck, beautiful colors, blue sky, a bit of paradise. Where I feel right now - like a flat spot - since I got back. Giving way to a real recognition to reflect and to go deeper. Flatness is question of where is my contribution. And agree about eliminating or not being in places that don't have meaning - in relation to the question. Discriminator has antennae out. Permission now to really go deeper and ask the universe for help, guidance. WMtE - I love the conversations, the overall intention, yet I find myself questioning the piece where we come together for a short period of time and go our separate ways again. Looking for ongoing "something" - an outer project. Reflections in me going on around all that.

Ria: Last days have been good as Maria and Sarah are here to dive deeper into purpose of two places; as I am involved I was asked as a harvester and to do constellation. Feeling that this is my work: to help gain clarity and harvest and help with embodiment and what doesn't yet fit. Feels good. Want time to spend on what is right for Eve-Marie. Has Wendy also a question about being there or not? I want to give space to where we are with the four of us. what needs to happen here?

Conversation

Judy: In approaching this issue, it would be good to take one step back. I see an amazing network of women - especially in Europe - with women listening very closely with what is their contribution and going with that. Interesting to see that, and it takes some time to see it. It energises me to notice it.

Eve-Marie: Holding a question relating to what you just said. What came to me is the question of our last gathering and wondering what happened to those women, what they took from it, and where they went. Resonating to the idea of not taking it further - that gap (like Wendy's idea) space not filled from the last time.
 
Ria; Would it be different for you if you knew?
 
E-M: Only in the sense of helping me to understand more.. Maybe it is OK to be in this not-knowing sensing space that I am in.
 
Wendy: Holding passion for other events, but knowing that in the end I have offered something and to trust that whoever comes will be just right and not really investing in numbers. What I know is that I am not holding this in that way. If I am a contributing member, I need to be holding with a degree of passion. Maybe just to be with my own life, if you were to say to me maybe just the two of you should be there, I would not feel disappointed. Yet, I also know that if I come I want to be there with full engagement. So that I am present.

Ria: for me these gatherings are about finding and building a new groove in coll. consciousness; not something tangible; a competence and capacity building between us that is not very visible and is feminine in nature. I understand the desire to have ongoing groups. I see some people investing in that in Europe via email. It's not the main focus of these gatherings. I notice women change by participating in the gatherings. Purpose is: do you want to be in coll. inquiry and how can we be on the edge of this. I had hope to build little core teams to bring this further, so me and Judy don't have to travel across the ocean. By becoming apprentice I hoped you could possibly host similar gatherings yourselves.

Wendy: in response, when I read that about developing core team here, I noticed a feeling, a slight jolt in the sense that at some level I had not been aware of that. I would have liked to have been more aware that that was a part of the invitation. Was not seeing it beyond this next one - one step at a time.

Judy: I wonder or asking: is there a sense that there is a kind of expectation; something that we are expecting from you? I am not holding that; do you?

Wendy: I don't think I did have a sense of a specific expectation. When I heard the bit in the email, then I did have it. Overal I was not before.

Eve-Marie: I don't feel expectations. I am missing personal responses here... what is not expressed? I feel a little uneasy here.
 
Judy: What makes women coming together as we have, is that each person is truly unique; bringing that in all its fulness in that space. This is integral for these new grooves of consciousness. In feels as an honor to have both of you - as having been there before. It was very special to have you both there last time.

Wendy: Confidence and capacity building from Ria. Good to sense if we want to be in this collective inquiry and to be at the edge of that. I do want to find those ways that are uniquely mine and to do it with others. The discriminator part of me says I'll find that place more with people that I am in ongoing relationship with.

Eve-Marie: I want to thank you for that invitation. I totally hear that. The question comes up - from a part in me - what is collective inquiry, what is collective wisdom? For me it must include all levels of our being. Talking 'to the collective' makes me tide... rebelling to the concept, it is a living entity!

Ria: The competence and capacity building is in this specific collective inquiry. My expectations are only the willingness to learn and to contribute. We asked you because you showed you were there with us; to give what you are good at. We sensed you both have capacity and competence in you. We can only contribute according to who we are personally. my flavor/color is different. not about restriction but about being fully who we are. There is nothing wrong with personal stories; but our purpose is not to be a therapy group where it is all about personal stories.
 
It is good to notice we are in groan zone... as Toke always says: You cannot host a gathering as a hosting team, if you haven't been through the fire together.

Judy: I appreciate all that has been said. Competence building - holding that space with others, I am discovering my contribution, my deep inner soul, the part that resonates so deep that it is hard to express. In this deep space that is where I find my contribution. The collective space helps to form and inform me; and hopefully I give something to it.

Wendy: What's in me right now, wanting to ask Ria and Judy just how you are feeling in response to our wondering about the rightness of our contributions. How are you feeling affected?

Ria: I am not affected in the sense that I don't have strong emotions; I just want things to be clear so you know what is the right thing to do. I am not attached to it. In that regard I live with the open space principle: whoever shows up are the right people.

Judy: I didn't know until now that you Wendy had any reservations. We saw that you contributed so much! A feeling of disappointment and knowing that we will go ahead. Creating these grooves in consciousness - I feel called to learn this more; feel it is very important. As a combination of coming together, and learning together... it will continue, no matter who of us is there. To me it feels as a calling, no doubt. I don't hear that certainty for you. We will be fine if you don't come.

Wendy: Appreciate your responses. Sense of easing inside myself in being able to share what I know and don't know. Feel invitation and the freedom to really listen to where that calling is and be in response to that. Hearing your honest responses and no pressure in that and yet appreciation and gratitude. Sense of being able to look deep inside. And if I am drawn to be there will be there in a very full way. Not sure yet. Coming out of this flat part in a time of deep reflection. Ask that you bear with me in that reflection time and I will hold it with a sense of reverence and to come with a response with integrity.

Eve- Marie: I resonate with Wendy. I feel an ease now; being at rest, at peace. That feels good. A sense of freedom. I don't have an answer at this point; it is a process. It is good what has happened, we robbed a little against each other, ... now trust my process with this.

Ria: Maybe this is the place to be for the day and let's take it further next time for more clarity?

Everyone agreed.

Eve-Marie, Ria, Judy

Eve-Marie requested this call as an outcome of something she had experience the previous weekend.  Wendy could not join us.  We had some silence and then Eve-Marie  began.

Eve-Marie:  What led me to make this call.  Last weekend I took part in a weekend constellation.  It threw me for a loop and I came away with a lot of questions.  And they also could apply to WMtE.  I see how constellation work is parallel - collective wisdom and the ‘field’.
I was troubled by the questions - more by what I was seeing and experiencing in relation to the field.  This evoked doubt and questions in me.  If the field is held in the way I experienced, that would be really difficult for me.  So what is it that holds the field?  I came back saying there is no field.  So many group processes are explained in the name of the ‘field’ and that can be dangerous.  It takes away responsibility to say this is ‘the field’.  How do we hold it with 100% responsibility? What is our understanding of what plays into this? What is Collective wisdom? What are we actually doing?  For me it is the beginning of a new process of looking at this from the ground up.  I witnessed how different levels of emotionality and thought got all mixed up in the field.  Askew.  And how others perceived it.  I perceived it as self-indulgence.
How can we hold the integrity? This has been troubling me and my relationship to us and WMtE.  I want to be in 100%.

Ria:  The question comes up to me - what would you do if one of us would use the field in that way?  I am sure the 4 of us have a deep longing and commitment to integrity.  It is possible that sometimes one or two of us are not clear and could use it for our own benefit.  So what kind of practice are we using?  What can you do when you sense that troubling things are happening?

Eve-Marie: How can I or each one of us maintain our integrity and wholeness when this happens?  Now I see that in the structure of WMtE you have the space to be authentic and respond. Last year at WMtE we spoke to center with the stone. But if someone were to speak from a personal space, is there room for that?  Or is it that we can speak from our own space?  Last time it was more impersonal.  Is personal OK?
Ria:  For me it is a practice.  To speak and lead from or to the impersonal to prevent engaging in the personalities or getting lost in them.
It doesn't mean people can't speak their own stories.  Just listen, acknowledge, but don't have to react, or comfort, or defend.
What I notice is that since you saw something that doesn't fit with your sense of integrity, then you are thrown off center.  Right?
Eve-Marie:  Yes, and it is a mix.  These are questions I would not ask. It is shaking me and grounding me deeper at the same time.  Nothing to do but speak to center from your authentic place.
Ria:  What I did last time in Belgium was to ask questions that make people think - or invite them into another space or perspective.
Eve-Marie:  It sounds like you would not ask them personally but ask to the center of the circle.
Ria: Yes, I would speak from and to the center, and ask others to do the same. Also in ‘giving’ questions, I would do it in an impersonal way, like : What if…? To take it out of the personal into the impersonal.
Judy: I totally agree with what Ria is saying, and I could see that happening last time. Many women do that a lot: telling stories, helping each other, etc... it seems like a needy place. I am noticing the whole spectrum of the way people are and show up. I do it for being at that edge, to learn to be fully present, as an individual and coming together in a profound collective way. I experience it in the same way in my small women’s group – I am doing my best to hold the space, not react, - and I notice some judgment in myself, but not re-acting!!! It sounds that the constellation you were in was a lot of personal stuff... if there is too much of that happening, I begin to sense and feel it in my energy system.  It is like 'getting sick'. We need to protect ourselves and not stay in that.
I want to learn more about how to be fully present. WMtE is like moving down the U, and the ego-stuff in the group is gradually dropping away; then the real stuff is starting to happen. I love these questions you have Eve-Marie; this is an incredible learning space!
Eve-Marie:  It seems like the personal is seen in a negative way.  And yet I think the personal can be very important.
Judy: I do have the tendency to use the 'personal' as a negative thing. I use it as the: ‘What I need’, ‘what I want’... not seeing the bigger picture. But the uniqueness of each is so precious! The personal can move to a different level through each of us! I would like to experience more of that. What we do at WMtE is very special! In terms of invitation, it helps to attract the ones who can be present in that way.  There aren't many people who can be in that space.  You probably saw people in the constellation coming from a very different place.
Eve-Marie:  During the weekend, I didn't have the freedom that I had at WMtE.  I was in another's ‘field’.  And the leader is one I know and is my friend.  My only option was to remove myself. The impersonal and the personal…  It seems the personal = ego, judgment, etc.  there is also the positive, essence of each person. I like the model of going down the U; I would love to experience as some point going back up the U to come back to the personal on a different level.  And the personal does comes back in going up the right side into action.
Eve-Marie:  Saw how the field was not created out of authenticity and integrity.
Ria:  The field can be used or misused.  With any new model this can happen.  Spiral Dynamics, etc.  It leaves us to take our own responsibility to choose wisely - where does it fit and where is it not right.
Eve-Marie:  This past weekend I was thrown off because I have such respect for the leader - integrity. Something switched when the constellation began.  So how can we hold integrity in all aspects of our lives?  It was startling to me.
In WMtE we can claim our integrity.  It is not about separating aspects of ourselves.  Then to trust my sensing.  To trust myself even if not in harmony with the majority.
Judy: You had an additional thing to work with - someone you are friends with! And then you see they have a totally different side!
Eve-Marie:  How are we in relationship to this field, to collective wisdom, how can we stand in integrity to the greater sense of what is there?  Deep question for me and will be with me after this.  We are doing this together so I wanted to share.
Judy: I appreciate that you did it, the learnings are so rich. The relationship that we have is a very interesting mix of the personal and the impersonal. I do sense that we are all coming from authenticity. There aren't many others with whom I could share these kinds of things. It is just a big learning to be on the hosting team. I am moved even, because I see it as very precious in my life. I also think that with the 4 of us, it can be a very steady, strong field held with integrity.
Ria:  Eve-Marie, do you have more questions?
Eve-Marie:  This feels good.  It is a beginning for me of sitting with these questions.
Judy: I didn't know what you wanted to talk about... so glad you don't step out!!!
Eve-Marie:  I have clarity. It feels good.  There is something new about the relationship between the personal and the impersonal.  I am moved by the personal essence of people with nothing in the way in terms of personality and judgment.  Such a gift.  Like coming up the U again in the personal in a different way.

Ria, Eve-Marie, Judy

Silence

Check-In
Eve-Marie:  Came home yesterday from trip to Europe.  Not energetically totally here and yet feels good to be here and grounded back home.  It was a wonderful trip.  Made nice connections.  I have a new relationship to the constellation work.  It inspires me to move on and to do more with it.  I have not pursued it professionally but want to find ways to integrate it into my work.  There was the experience of being with my mother who is experiencing dementia.  I saw such a beautiful part of the world. Austria near Saltzburg, the Sound of Music.  I had a strong feeling response about the flyer when I saw the price. I want to explore that more.
Judy: A lot is coming to me, in many ways and many forms. People are showing up who want to collaborate; I seem to have created space for that. I feel energized by that. Lots of interesting things on the CWI-site. How do we get to be noticed? How to connect, to bridge the collective intuitive work we are doing and how to bring it into the world? It seems to be part of the journey.
Ria: Moved last Sat.; my house is more or less in order. Not all settled.  Annoying that the wi-fi connection is not working well and have to go to the office.  Not fluid yet.  Started working on the invitation, not finished yet.  Today is the first time a group came at Kings Mill.  Lots of preparation, new beginnings, and practical work.
Eve-Marie:  I resonate with new beginnings, just back from Europe.
Some silence
Judy: sensing into the middle... wondering what is there?
Eve-Marie:  Would like to talk about flyer and would help to bring me to my center. It feels important. Received the email and could see the questions, etc.
Ria:  Looked at more coherence in fonts and colors for the full invitation.
Judy: Looking at other flyers I saw that pictures of people are used a lot. You Ria, are the 'document doctor'.  Like to see pictures but can’t make them the right size.
Constant Contact flyer: Mistake in the days (not dates)! It should be Monday instead of Sunday!!
Eve-Marie:  I sent the initial flyer to my list for save the date.  One woman near Boston wants to come.

When the invitation is ready, we can send them again to our email lists.

Judy: From the Constant Contact email - More than 50 people opened it - which is a high rate. 3 responded to Judy - 2 cannot come. The other woman, Jennifer Jones, would like to come, expensive just to travel from the UK.. She is very much connected with Axladitsa, Maria and Sarah. I know her from Gardener’s of Peace calls.  Les, from last time, told me that she is definitely coming, but I need remind her and get confirmation.

 
Pricing:
Eve-Marie:  Pricing - looks better on full flyer I see now and the early bird is good.  Price still looks high.  Know how people are here.  It is an invitation to a Joint exploration.  We are all together in this.  Make it as open and honest as possible around the money - room and board, workshop fee, etc. I will learn as much as I give, so in a way when I ask for money it puts pressure on me that I have to show some expertise – down with the money - seems like too much money when asking more of the other person.
Ria:  Down with the money - asking more of the other person???
Eve-Marie:  I expect more from leaders when I pay more.  I expect that I will get something from this.
Judy: Remembering back and having the same thoughts about performance and producing results. In the business world they expect that. I had to let go of that model. This is different. We never had anybody saying that they didn't receive a lot! I changed my thinking about how I show up. It is a different way of thinking about my role... letting go of: producing or controlling something. Maybe a way that women are caught in? Do we need to produce like men do?
How can we be sustainable? And leave the door open for different levels of economy to come? From there: early bird and scholarship.
Ria:  It is also about - I do a lot of these gatherings - collective inquiries need to be hosted.  It 's maybe not as visible as consultant or facilitator – it still needs to be done, more about being present, and attuned to what is happening. It is my work - if I do it for free, I cannot survive.  I want us to get some real money.  I want to give scholarship if possible.  I have used it myself years ago.  This is the real price.  Not even a high fee that we will get.  Compared to biz world this is nothing.
Eve-Marie:  Cannot compare to biz world.  Different paradigm.
Judy: It is a laboratory; the pioneering world isn't recognized yet in the world. I am aware, in these gatherings that we have done together, being present, sensing what is next, being open etc. It is huge! maybe not articulated enough yet.
Eve-Marie: I noticed the work you did to hold the group.  Very clear, constant and holding.  Flyer - could say "hosted by:  names"
Judy: Besides an 'action' item - a call to action - it moves them into the flyer...Deb recommended that it opens to require them to ‘come in’.
Jennifer Jones felt that the price was very fair. Only her travel cost were so high. I think people in Europe are used to higher fees for these gatherings.  

General conversation:
We need to cover our expenses.  Wendy’s and Eve-Marie’s (as well as Judy’s and Ria’s) accommodations will be paid for.  In the budget is also some for the administration for Judy and Ria’s Travel. If we have more people - like 15 and beyond - we get some discount from Angel's Rest. (And we don't need to pay the upfront price there)

Closing:
Judy:  this conversation was good and needed, I miss the other deeper part too.
Eve-Marie: Important for me to ground all this.
Ria: Thank you for the openness. Good conversation.

Participants in the call:  Ria, Wendy, Eve-Marie, Judy

Silence

Check-in:

Wendy: Felt moved to share that this last week I noticed how I let myself down, to be triggered in a connected relationship.  Connecting with the Figure Eight , I recognize there was a moment when I could have stopped, but the longer  I stayed in the survival loop  (with thoughts about being right, or defending myself)  the harder it became to move into the ‘heart loop’,  although I was still aware that I was pulling in and how it affected my energy system.
I was aware the following day, coming out; there was a kind of sadness, a loss of flow.   I wasn’t in my normal flow.  Knew I had done that to myself. So had intention to be more mindful.  The following day, Sat. and thru yesterday, I had a kind of virus.  Felt below par and achy.  I’m sure it was to do with coming out of my heart, and the heart’s electro-magnetic radiation is so connected to the immune system.   Everything was out of synch, and allowed a virus to temporarily take hold.  Yesterday I tried to get back on track and into the heart and my flow again.  Something about being mindful and disciplined about it.    Reminds me of Biology of Transcendence, - and the Heart Math Institute – electro-magnetic radiation from the heart.  Takes me from the personal to the social and how that is a big part of what happens in our society (not making the shift from the survival brain loop to the heartbrain loop). Big  creative edge for me, pondering, how to bring the processes and consciousness forward that can help us move to the other loop, the leap.  This morning I was reading Spiral Dynamics article.  Another one came to mind: Challenge of our moment - Don Beck and Brian Swimme and Peter Senge.  Trying to find the article to send to you.

Ria:  I was for the last 2 1/2 weeks in many deep conversations from the heart - now home and on my own again, alone at the computer and doing individual sessions.  I feel the difference. Probably missing the entrainment.

Judy: It sparked something in me. In the couple of days Ria and I were together, and we had our last call together, I was so aware of the vibration, the resonance with who I am. Reminded me to be aware. I set the intention. I want to find it more, connect with others where there is more chance of resonance.  Then things started to spark all over the place. I was noticing: where the potential is. Quite a learning: Maybe I just have to ask or to seek; it is there! Another thing: reading Spiral Dynamics, it became clearer that the dance between individual and collective is the dance between the masculine and the feminine... I never saw it in that way before.

Eve-Marie: Grateful to receive these articles. Realizing that I am making my life difficult and more stressful than it needs to be... going back to Europe, setting up my business, fixing the house etc... I get triggered, and take it as an opportunity to grow; but such a challenge! Why do I make it so difficult for myself? Relaxing into that. Breathing in the articles; thank you.

Judy: Building on idea of getting triggered ... reading the LaChapelle article: He speaks of needing to see the projection – the need to judge, compare or defend. Noticing, awareness is the first step! Withdrawal is the difficult step. Mine is that I get irritated and impatient with other people. So returning to a state of interior balance is key.  A few like this in the field, the vibration that we hold in a group gathering, then this can create entrainment, the opening to collective wisdom. Working with our individual field is probably part of the preparation.

Wendy:  I have always found that when I am going to be offering something in the world, life puts me through all I need to go through to offer with authenticity.  My husband & I ran a process group in England.  Our call, a poem was “The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer – (see below for full poem).  Six months before the course I lived through every line of that poem.   As we put out and hold the resonant field, our own work is so much a part of that.

Ria:  I used to say the field is already working - through me.

Wendy:  Sense that now we are talking more about this.  For me personally it was our last call when I really started to feel the field that the 4 of us are holding.  A sense of coherence, something ‘took’.

Ria:  The beautiful thing is when the field is established, something really starts to spin out of it:  a new insight, new connections made. Like a vortex taking us to a next level.
Maybe it's good to talk about it, how we experience that.  I had the same experience as Wendy.  What is it that happens?  We want it to happen, so lets try to give a language to it.  In our last conversation I sensed the field.  At the recent AoH gathering we were talking with a few people about the same thing.  Chris Corrigan said: if you vibrate in a hosting team all on the same frequency, then if you host people into the same vibration, there is the possibility that some higher vibration comes out of it.

Eve-Marie: In the article it really became clear in terms of entrainment; but it also says that everyone needs to contribute as an important part of collective wisdom.

Judy: It seems important that each comes in wholeness with their sense of identity.   LaChapelle talks about people needing to have their identity formation... if not, people are trying to find it and to fix each other etc... The group gets distracted and ends up dealing with their personal stuff.

Wendy:  When you decided to hold the field out to Eve-Marie and me too, was there a desire to capitalize on the increased holding field? Did you want to make the holding field bigger?
I now sense the field more coherently and sense its capacity to hold more.  

Ria:  That was not really the intention. It was more like I had a sense that both of you could hold it with us without a lot of guidance or effort. You naturally weave in. Our conversation last time confirmed that, I had the feeling “OK we are there”, next time will be easier.  Gave me confidence. My intention was to build more capacity.  Like in AoH you become an apprentice, then at some point you can offer the same type of thing on your own.  Spreading out.

Eve-Marie: I experienced last time that I was somewhere else: the conversation, the field, the ground underneath. I feel some timelessness.
It is not me that is holding it, but it is something beyond us.

Judy:  The challenge is trying to articulate that - Ria named it the CircleBeing before - the Felt Sense is so powerful, the mind-body here in this physical being in this incarnation can sense into a different vibration. If we are collectively doing that, then something is created that wasn't there before. Felt Sense becomes like a portal.

Wendy:  What you just said about the felt sense - that portal, since we were familiar we had to talk about it to connect with it - and so naturally dropped through into another place.  Notice the importance of connecting at that level in hosting, in holding the field.  My sense is that when we started off at WMtE last Nov. with music and dancing and pictures, we were invited into the felt sense.  A powerful start.

Eve-Marie: It was powerful, but I think that every person has their own way. Each of these modalities could do it, or not. It comes down to an internal commitment. An inner decision to 'now I am ready to jump'.

Wendy:  In the context of Angel's Rest retreat, conscious intention whether to let it lead you there or not?

Eve-Marie: I feel that there are many, many layers. If we talk about the field, it is special, it has its own qualities. These modalities help and do help - to relax the body and the mind ... The same for painting. I think there is a relationship between our commitment and the modality.  

Judy: I experienced it - the movement and the dance – I was invited in and I made a conscious decision to go with it.  The barriers seem to disappear.  I notice not quite like that for others.  I think if I engage, the mind is moved to the background and I become more present.  Ria, what is your thinking?

Ria:  I think dancing is my way of bringing people there.  Eve-Marie or Wendy would use theirs.  And whatever it is, it is away from thinking and language.  In language we tend to speak from what we already know.  What I like is to bring us to a space where we can speak from a place we don't already know.  Movement, nature, drawing, whatever, is a more indirect language.  Most language creates a distance between the experience and what we say.
I am still wondering Eve-Marie, what you mean by commitment. To be open to a modality to go there?

Eve-Marie: I mean a deep commitment to myself, to go to a different place. That is 'beyond', to take that jump to go to the place where we 'don't know'. It is not a place that I usually am in: it is me that takes me there.

Wendy:  Help me to understand more.  For clarification – Eve-Marie, a commitment on a daily basis? or ongoing?

Eve-Marie: I do it at certain times. I am not always there.  It needs some space - like this conversation. In a gathering the conditions are there.

Judy: Do you sense that there is an opening, a deepening, an expansion - do you feel that that commitment is progressing, a deepening?

Eve-Marie: Definitely! When I painted for a week, I felt a deepening of who I am  and what I am expressing. I felt in that week that I was deeply committed to myself and to my process.

Publicity: invitation as a process
Eve-Marie: How are we going to spread the word??

Judy: There is now the one page flyer to send out 'to hold the dates'. I sent it out selecting from my whole email list. One woman responded immediately and invited me to post it on a website that came out of the Berkana Women’s Leadership Revival in Vancouver. The final invitation needs to be made. Vibrational... the attractive energy is working already.

Ria:  Invitation is a process, it is an ongoing communication with people, not a one time thing.  First: Hold the dates.  Then the full invitation.  So an ongoing
conversation over time.

Judy:  Working with Constant Contact. with help from Deb... sending little things in several messages over time, not the whole invitation.

Check-out

Ria:  I feel like we are in the same vibration.  I don't sense any disturbance.  There is trust that we will do this in a very good way.
Eve-Marie: I resonate with that. It feels easy to me, and that is good sign. It feels good.
Judy: almost speechless... it is easy! Before our call I can be all stressed out by life, but coming into the silence and the natural unfoldment of the conversation... it is easy!
I want to know more about constellation work... seems very exciting!  (Eve-Marie going to a week of constellation work in Germany)

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Participants: Eve-Marie, Wendy, Ria, Judy

Silence

Check-in
Ria:  Feel like I am in a place between 2 worlds.  Leave tomorrow for Halifax, AoH, Schambhala, and Boston.  Then very open.  Had this week many conference calls - George, Sheryl Erickson, Maria, Sarah - new things emerging.  Something old closing and something new is being born. On these calls it requires more attention and focus than face to face - would be different if I could see you.

Eve-Marie: I share that I am too leaving tomorrow; some anxiety for a new experience. Seeing my daughter who has been in Mongolia for 6 months. I was away this past week - family event - I saw the emails and I felt a little overwhelmed. Also feeling very appreciative for note taking - it brings me back into the conversations. I want to talk about the flyer and the next meeting.

Judy: All kinds of stuff going on, the energy is high! Weather is beautiful. Boston women’s event, working with other women on that. This is a different space, with the three of you. It brings me back - workin