Reports conf.calls April 2006 - Febr 2007

R:  I understand the invitation as a process.  Talking with Marianne - talking with me, decided to come even though she decided not to.  Also sent emails to all who expressed some interest.  Now a woman from Holland might come.  So why don't they open the conversation?  It is more than sending brochures.

Judy: My morning was indirectly related with WMtE. Part of it is: it is my responsibility to show up. A gathering with women... how to de-energise the fear that is holding me and potentially others back. Affirming for me. Many women say: I can't do this because... I worked with that for myself.  And it is related to this idea of not opening the conversation about the invitation and what one will pay.

E: Energy.  Something is opening up in me.  I can hardly describe it, but can sense and feel it.  One lady of 65 emails answered.  Why only one?  Maybe they think it sounds good, then delete.  So I want to bring women too.  I feel a little sad.

R:  What I did was, if they seemed interested, I sent them a personal email.  Also the ones I hoped would come.  Sent them "I hope you will come.  Invite them into the conversation".

J: Can we do more to re-connect?

R:  At least 3 or 4 will answer, I hope over the weekend.

J: Margot might still come... continuing to find small ways to encourage people.

R:  Money should not be an obstacle.  We are clear that they can pay what they can afford.  But they still hesitate.

E: A new way of doing business that you can negotiate about the price.  They may not let it in or understand it.

J: Indeed, it is new. People are not comfortable with it. "I have to do the right thing." there seems to be a lot of discomfort. Is this the main reason?

R:  Received an email from Helen. She has one more and working on another.

Tina and Margot a question mark?   Another ? is Monica and another is Sylvia.

Whoever shows up are the right people.  And Judith (from the venue) is probably coming.

Open Space principle: Whoever shows up, are the right people.

J: Expect it to happen: move into the place that it is actually happening! Not believing the messages in my head... it is going to happen...

Witches in the US, early colonial time... women and girls ... (part of discussion about witches and millions of women dying in Europe)

R: Emails to all for people who are coming.  Send welcome letter to those who have paid.

• Judy to develop a slightly different letter to those who are maybe coming.  Judy will have 2 letters ready by Tuesday Feb. 6.
• Judy will make sure Zaadz is ready for others.  Eugenie and Ria to add comments or topics to WMtE Pod.  (worked on this while on the call)
• Ria has all the ideas for design in her mind.  We will begin to work on that.
• Eugenie will send welcome letter (when complete) to one who have paid.
• We will make sure we all have the emails for each woman who registers.

J:  Proposal to meditate on the triangle of the three of us, with a golden light. Can be energising!  To energise the event – I am energising 20 women.

hello,

your conversation is inspiring and i look forward to diving more deeply into it as time allows.  but i wanted to share something from the field that felt so much in alignment with the vision you are holding.  it's through the berkana institute which hosts the art of hosting workshops and trainings.  meg wheatley is coming to seattle and this is part of her current focus with the women's leadership revival tour!!!  :))))  how can one resist that.

http://www.berkana.org/women/

love from seattle, sheri

 Silence

Check-in

Eugenie:  Thoughts about holding back.  Writing book.  Worried that others will attack me.  Only people will disagree and fight my ideas.  Why make an effort?  Struggling because don't know if it's true.

R:  Could you find out where this assumption is coming from?

E: Where am I holding back? I'm so different and no one will show up when I organize something. Daily life.  Thoughts always changing.  Talking to others I feel very alone because they think differently.  I can understand them and they don't understand me.  Not in balance.  Not equal.

R:  I want you as you are in our group.  I want your energy and intensity.

E:  In daily life I hold back.  I am gentle.  When I bring in my whole power they run.  I don't want that.  I don't want to be alone.  So have to adjust to the energy of others.  I feel sad about that.

Ria: I am into organizing this art of hosting - invoices, letters, etc.  Dealing with organizational stuff, big puzzle.  Since I am into that, women and leadership are not in the front of mind.

R: We had a last conversation about the MtE in Oct. with the convening team.  I tried to voice what I found missing.  There did not seem to be true engagement in a mutual process - not enough between the 4 of us to go the real core of the gathering.  We didn't manage to get to the fundamental level.  I couldn't really get my message across - at least not totally.  So if we women keep postponing until we know what we bring, that  will be great.  We may need to postpone.

Judy: Nothing specific first for check-in. Now: MtE not deep engagement: we can learn from that. We can and will know when we move forward. We need to feel and sense on a deep level that we are committed. When I step back, Women and Leadership is needed. When being out: Could this be something that is meaningful?

J: cfr E. moving out of the comfort zone (holding back) is a lifelong process. A lot of people in my life think differently than I do. I'm Ok with that now. There is a time and place to come forward with that. My family will not understand, never. Some beauty in there too; to have that level of awareness. There will be people who understand: the participants of our program!

R:  SDi - can be green that wants to belong.  Or in psychology the child that wants to be seen.  Important to know that I am coming from a higher consciousness.  I can understand them and they don't understand me.

E: Thinking that way : I'm struggling with that. It is very arrogant!  Not comfortable acknowledging I am in higher perspective.  More responsibility.  Have to move on and deal in a different way.

J: Difficult to have this perspective in Holland.

R:  If you can rest in knowing it and not having to tell that you know better, then just act accordingly.  Can still be friendly and respectful and don't have to fight for that you know more.  Inner child needs to be at ease.

E: Two friends: they have a lot of friends which they don't agree with. How can they live with that? They won't tell each other that something is "wrong".  I was completely shocked. I would say that I don't understand!! When I ask something about it; they experience it as an attack. To connect with them is holding back for me.

Hard to accept when I feel very deeply about something.  Must allow the higher consciousness in me to open up to this truth, and let it in.

R:  and with that goes a deep respect for cultures and group who do it differently.  It's honoring their fate.  Learned from family constellations.  Honoring the fate of others.  If it is your neighbor or other cultures, it's not just doing nothing, but a deep respect for whatever is working in and through other people that we do not have a clue about.  To talk about the emotions is already green.  You can guide them to another level in their evolution.  the higher perspective  gives this kind of responsibility to respect where other  people are even if we do not understand where you are and strongly disagree.

E: Inside I struggle when I cannot say anything.

R:  So write your book for the ones who will read it and understand it.

E:  I don't feel respect for people who are hurting others (like circumcision).

R: I can see the little boy or girl in the adult who is being violent and who does not feel respected herself.

R:  Do what you can where you can make a difference.  That's part of yellow.  Team up with people where you can do something meaningful.

E: When I was young I could look at a lot of violence and I could overlook it. Now that I am older I feel what I see; that's a big difference.  My heart is bleeding about abortion. I don't have advice; dealing with the pain in my heart; I feel the violence. I cannot feel peace.  How do you deal with that?

R:  Who are we as humans to say that this little life in the womb does not have meaning? (Hellinger?)  What do we know about the soul?  of the child? or the Parents?  What is a Soul perspective, not a personality perspective.

E: What is the difference with Green? I don't know! I see pain when I see violence!!

J:  It is both/and; instead of either/or. It is such a paradox, a paradox of life. if I walk at the sea shore and see the broken wing of the seagull: I feel the pain. I also realise that my purpose here is other than saving seagulls. Part of the cycle of life and death. People do great harm to each other. Finding the place where I can make a difference. For me it is important to understand other cultures and wear different hats at the same time. their life brought them to that point; maybe I can bring them to their next step. Where is the little way in?

E: I know I cannot change them? How do I deal with people directly? I don't have an answer to that...

R: It has to do with being able to hold the intensity of the pain, the intensity of life, and hold it for yourself and being with the pain.  I don't look at TV.  And turn away from people who are aggressive - Parents aggressive to children in the market.  I give the children a bright look and turn away.  It’s about being able to hold the pain.

J:  Sending some light to 'the victim'.  I struggle with whether to say something to these parents too (who are aggressive with children in store)

R:  What has this to do with Women and Leadership? Us struggling with when do we come forward; when do we take a stand? When do you hold back? That's women's struggle.

J: I sense we probably have more hesitancy than men, because they are thought to be more assertive...

R: Fullness of life, energy, about intensity.  But have to accept the deep pain of intensity as well.

E:  When they are on my couch I don't know what to do.  Hold back. Nothing I can say or do.

R:  Could be a wise decision, not a holding back.

E:  So there is a difference between holding back and shutting your mouth, OK.

J: :From my cultural studies: in the Netherlands they are on the far edge of talking directly. When I lived there, I was shocked! I was brought up to always be nice. The lesson of learning can be: when to be direct and do it appropriately for the situation.

Final remarks:   Zaadz: OK. R and E will have to add a profile.  Judy will set up a Pod for conversation.

Ria will be at the Art of Hosting and will tell about that on the next call.  Agreed there is probably lots we can learn from that.

Women Moving the Edge
Call on Sept. 6, 2006
Eugenie and Judy

Eugenie's yahoo women's group is having real difficulties, judging, talking meanly, accusing one another, all being heard with no limits.  Anger and accusations. Not supportive.  Don't want to be told what to do.  Very green in allowing all voices, no matter what, to be heard.  Maybe regressing to red.  Eugenie, as the list moderator and owner, had ignored this at first not wanting to give energy to the negative.  It did not stop. She decided to take leadership and said that is was not right.  Now they are angry with her and accusing her.  So she is really struggling with how to be with them and what to do.  We had some discussion around the greenness of this, the mean green in Holland.  There might be something to look at here when we gather as women, in terms of leadership and how to do that in these difficult types of situations.

Judy is also looking at her struggle with leadership.  For this WMtE convening group, Ria really has been the one to spearhead this.  Judy is happy to collaborate, to support, to participate.  Taking a leading role is harder, there is hesitancy, so this continues to come up.  And yet, Judy is very energized and excited to be working to bring women together, especially in a collective way.

Judy had written, in the interim, about holding back because she wanted to be liked by other women.  Eugenie realized she has this “wanting to be liked” also, and she sees it especially since this happened with women on the yahoo group.  She never realized this until reading it in Judy's words.  She realizes that she longs to connect.  In the Yahoo group she is not able to do it in a way that makes her happy.  She sounded very disappointed about that.

Regarding Ria’s idea that maybe a workshop for women is a better thing to offer, and not do something so like Moving the Edge, Judy and Eugenie, discussed this and saw possibilities.  Some of the discussion was:  Coming into circle invites the attitude to be nice, to be in harmony, and to lose the power.  Then there may be no leadership or the energy to move is lost.  Is the answer a workshop?  Coming into a circle knowing that women have a tendency to seek harmony or might move into inertia, not daring to take leadership, and that the energy will shut down - this could be part of what is brought into the circle and worked with and then things could change.

We had a discussion around just waiting for whatever wants to emerge to come.  Eugenie has lived lots of days where she was just waiting to see what emerged, or what wanted to happen.  And it was most often nothing, and very empty, and boring, and losing energy.  It does not feel healthy.  The life force is not there.

We agreed that this can happen if we just let whatever wants to emerge happen without some direction, or leadership, or guidance, or purpose (or maybe question).  There is no real freedom without some boundaries.  There needs to be space that is not completely open.  To live freely in the room, you need the walls.  If there are no walls, there is no room.  Where there are no boundaries, you can get lost.  It does not feel right to play with energies in that way.  We can enter into grayness without walls and it is difficult to come out of it.

We talked a bit about having varying formats for a women’s gathering.  The possibility of each of us creating and taking leadership for a part of the time, or for a type of activity or discussion.  And yet being open to emergent needs in the group.  If one thing seems to want more time or attention, to let that grow and happen.  So to allow emergence when it has life and energy – but not to just sit back and wait for it.  This could be in a circle (or circles) or in other ways as well.  We could explore various ways of creating direction (some boundaries) and discover what really speaks to the women there.  Is there a way that is calling women?  How will we come forward?

Before the next call:

We agreed to look further into ourselves to see what holds us back from leadership.  We also agreed to think about different ways of coming together with women that would have life and could energize something new. 

Our next call is scheduled for Sept. 20 at 8 in the evening in Europe (2 PM Eastern US)